I guess it's time for my yearly post. I just needed to be in my head for awhile. This is what I do when my journal doesn't feel like enough. Maybe this is how I scream tonight. So quietly, where no one will hear. I hope no one comes home, because this space is magical. I don't want to move. It might vanish. I feel air. I feel it in my soul. The Holy Spirit is here. I smell salt in this moving air. My heart believes I might be on the ocean with nothing but rambunctious water on the horizon. It's sacred, this space. Water for cleansing, salt for healing, air for breathing. What more is needed now? I feel their friendship and strength as i sit alone on my couch..

The sky is perfect. The sun has nearly left, with a blanket of clouds to tuck the hot day into a surprisingly cool night. I can see light peaking through the clouds... in the distance only. But the light is almost green. There was pink earlier, but only this soft green remains. Most would call it white, I would suppose. But it must be green for me tonight. Please, let it be green.

My heart is pounding at the signs of new life. Oh how I long to touch it with my own fingers. I hear it - the wind, the music on my silly computer, the muffled conversations below (filled with warmth, I imagine). I taste it - food has not tasted so real and so important in a very long time. I needed it today.

Oh Lord, I wait. I think I've grown so weary. I believe I've grown cold and even worthless to you. But I wait. I can't remember a time I felt this low before you. And yet, I've known for many years that the road you had me on would travel through this place. You warned me. And so, even more now than ever, I wait with hope.

"For God has imprisoned all in disobedience so that he may be merciful to all."

~Romans 11:32~

Maybe, can this please just mean what I imagine it meaning? That would be so nice in my mind. But my mind is quite small.